Week 14 & 4 Days: My Ducky Is a Size of a Lemon!

14 weeks so I am officially in the second trimester!  We have been calling our baby "Ducky" because the 8 weeks u/s picture showed a mean looking duck, sorry!  I have been a bit obsessed with looking at my belly bump if it's still a "bloat" or "real bump".  Everytime I see a lemon in a supermaket, I think of my little precious :) 

Our announcement to friends and family was a success!  They are all so happy and I feel like a weight lifted off of our shoulder.  We are not coming out to FB yet.  I first thought I might wait till the week 20 after we find out the gender, but I am not sure if I am that patient, so I might come out either after my OB appointment next week or week 16. 

Speaking of FB....I was MAAAAD yesterday!!!!  One of my DH's colleague posted a FB message on my page and said "I meant to tell you guys congratulations on your wonderful news....your baby is going to be so cute, blah, blah, blah".  I didn't notice until 30 minutes after she posted this on my FB and I deleted the post right away, but I am sure a lot of people saw it.  I didn't have a good day at work yesterday, so I was extra mad when this happened.  My thought was "YOU CAN FREAKING CONGRATULATE MY HUSBAND BY GOING INTO HIS OFFICE IN PERSON.  DO YOU SEE ME MAKING AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT ON FB????  THERE IS A REASON WHY WE ARE NOT GOING TO PUBLIC YET!!!!"  After I deleted the post, I sent her a private message saying that "Sorry, I had to delete your post because we are not completely at a safe zone yet".  She sincerly apologized and I am over it, but it did ruin my coming up announcement a little bit.  I have a cute plan how I am going to make a FB announcement!  My DH thinks it's so cheesy and he doesn't like it, but hey, I am going to be a little bit more creative on this!  

I cannot wait for my next OB appointment.  I don't think they will do u/s, but I need HB assurance that Ducky is growing healthy.  I still cannot detect HB by using the doppler I bought a while back :( 

A couple of things I have tried lately and do NOT like:
- Almond Milk:  I eat cereal with fruits every morning and I was using Organic milk, but I heard Almond Milk is good, so I bought it......I hate the taste!!!!!  I will go back to my Organic milk.

- Coconut Water:  Whole Foods sells different Coconut water brands.  I heard it's a really healthy drink, so I tried it for the first time.  It was an acquired taste.  I tried 3 different brands and I didn't like 2 of them.  The one was not too bad.  It's got a lot of good ingredients such as potassium.    

- Organic French Toast:  We went to an artsy town called "Yellow Spring" last weekend.  They had a well known organic restaurant, so we went there to have a brunch.  I had a big craving for a french toast, so I ordered one...it tasted healthy, but it wasn't tasty...I have been buying more organic products ever than before, but I am going for a regular IHOP french toast next time!!

Week 12 & 6 Days: NT Scan Result & Life and Death

NT Scan Result

I received a call this morning from the nurse and the result is negative!
She said my risk ratio is 1/5100 and the cutoff point they use is 1/239.  I hope the baby keeps growing healthy until we see him/her in March!

Life & Death  

2 events happened today.  Life & Death.  I have so much in my mind and I need to get it out.

My bestie, Monica was due next Friday.  I got an text from her late last night as I was going to bed and she said her water broke so she is at hospital.  I knew she was on 39th week, so it was not a surprise, but I got so excited and couldn't really fall asleep.  I have been to fair amount of baby showers, but it was my first time to have a really close friend go into a labor.  I kept waking up and checking my phone to see if her DH sent me updates.  He finally sent one in the morning and said "Maria was born 7:25 this morning and both of the mother and baby are doing well."  I wish I could take off work and drive to the hospital to see them, but we are going to visit them tomorrow afternoon.  I AM EXTREMELY ANXIOUS TO MEET THE BABY!  She has been a true amazing friend since I met her.  She supported me so much during my IVF process and any other tough time and she is a one in a million friend.         

My mood got shut down when I received an email from my DH after I came into work.  One of his colleagues committed a suicide last night.  My heart stopped when I read it.  He has a wife and is a father of 2 boys.  We have not hang out with them too often, but we always talk at their company functions.  I am completely shocked.  I traced back my memory about him and my impression was always "He is such a nice guy".  He was funny and was just very nice person.  I did sense a marital problem though.  The wife is very attractive and sort of flirt.  I won't go into details, but I threw a shot glass at her (Technically, at the guy she was hanging out with) at their company trip.  Yeah, I admit everyone including me was drinking/dancing/having good time, but it was very inappropriate because she and another guy who works at the firm and has wife & kids were about to make out.   What are they thinking?! 

I am not sure what was his reason for terminating his life so early and leaving the family behind, but I am just so sad.  What was bothering and was so hard for him that he had to choose this path?  Did he have no choice but this to escape from whatever he was suffering from?  I am deeply sorry for his sorrow.  I cannot imagine what his family is going through now and I don't know if I can find any words to comfort the family when we go to his funeral.                     

I experienced 2 opposite events today.  Life and Death.  I had to let my feelings out so thank you for listening.   

Week 12 & 4 Days: NT Scan

What is NT Scan?

A nuchal translucency (NT) scan is a screening test which assesses whether your baby is likely to have Down's syndrome. A screening test can only estimate the risk of your baby having Down's, whereas a diagnostic test, such as CVS or amniocentesis will give you a definite diagnosis. 

An NT measurement of up to 2mm is normal at about 11 weeks, and up to about 2.8mm by 13 weeks and six days.

This is an optional test, but I wanted to do it so I scheduled it.  The test consits of u/s and bloodwork.  I felt good hearing baby's HB last week but I was very very anxious to actually SEE how he/she is looking and doing!

OMG!!!!  It was beyond my expectation. The 15 minutes u/s was amazing, amazing and AMAZING!!!  The baby was jumping up/down, moving hands, kicking legs, etc.  I had two u/s so far @ week 5 & 8 at my RE office, but here was no movement except I saw the heat flickering.  I was completely mesmerized by this active baby and couldn't believe that this tiny baby is working really hard to grow bigger in my belly.  I saw the baby sucking his/her thumb and was so cute!!!!  The Sono tech captured a perfect u/s pic, so I need to post it here.  I completely forgot the real purpose for this test because of the u/s, but bloodwork put me back to the reality.  They only took 1 b/w sample and they will call me either this Friday or next Monday.  I am hoping to hear from them on Friday!

Can you see the baby sucking his/her thumb?

I was telling all the exciting u/s experience to my DH at dinner.  He is quite nervous about the test & result.  I am actually surprised because I am usually the chicken and concerned one.  For some reason, I am not worried or scared about the test result as much as he does.  I am not sure this is because of my motherly instinct or the fact we just attended a down syndrom's buddy walk past Sunday.  Our 2 neighbors have kids with downs, so we got invited to join their walk team.  The walk was full of positive energy and supports from family and friends!  We also volunteer at special olympics so we interact with kids with downs often.  They are so sweet and love to hug you!  It can be very hard for a family to deal with, but there is no way I could terminate the baby if I was diagnosed with one.  (It was shocking to hear from the neighbor that how so many people decide to pursue an abortion when they find out)  

Me Lately?             

Eating often is still the same.  I feel like the baby has a nasusea button and he presses it when he gets hungry!  I haven't felt really hungry for a while and I am scared to let myself be hungry.  I always carry small snack/cheese, etc in my purse just in case.  I used to love steak.  We just went to a very nice restaurant and I order fillet.  It came with a baked potato & MacNCheese.  Guess what, which one I couldn't stop eating???  Potato!!  I usually don't like potato, but it tasted like heaven.  Oh, bread is my savior.  This baby indeed loves carbs :P 

Belly hairs....gross!  It's so "sexy" but I am afraid to shave as they might come back thick!!

Sleeping....yes yes.  I am taking naps sometimes on the weekend.  During the weekdays, I am falling asleep on the couch around 10:30.

Dizziness:  I read about this sympson and I am getting more dizziness lately.     

This is an exicting week because we are telling DH family and close friends about our pregnancy news!  We are having a dinner @ Italian restaurant with the family on Friday.  I bought cards which I am going to give in-law and sister-in-law at dinner.  I am going to order a glass of wine to just pretend and before I take a sip, I am going to give this cards to them.  I am thinking to write something like "Congratulations. You are going to be a grandpa & grandma!  Please spoil your future grand kid :)".

Our friends might already know since they have seen me not drinking lately, but I am curious how they will react.  I am so ready for the weekend to come!!!       

Week 11 & 3 Days: First OB Visit

This day is finally here.  No more RE visits.  I have a normal OB who can check and tell me all about pregnancy.  We just moved to a new city and this OB was referred by my RE, so it was a whole new experience today.

We were so busy packing / moving past few weeks, so I wasn't thinking too much about this.  As we settled in the new place last weekend, my anxiety came back......IS MY BABY STILL ALIVE AND  HAVING A HEART BEAT!???!??  I bought a fetal doppler a couple of weeks ago to give me some peace of mind, but I have not been able to hear a HB :(  In hindisight, the sound I thought I heard was definitely mine because it was less than 100.  I know it might be still early to hear a HB, but I was quite dissapointed.  I never had a dream about a baby, but I had 2 baby dreams this week.  One dream was wild!  I was still in the first trimester.  In order to check whether or not if the baby is fine, someone cut my belly open and took the tiny baby out.  I am looking at the LO and thinking "Phew, she/he is healthy and alive".  It's kinda gross!!  Since I went through an infertility, I learned that my fear / anxiety show up in some way or crazy way in my dream.  I told my DH that I am nervous about today.  He said "Me too".

The clinic was very nice and clean.  I filled out several basic new patient forms and met a nurse.  She was very down to earth and asked several questions about my history.  When I told her about IVF, she said she had to go through medicated cycles for her 2 girls.  I felt good knowing that she understands IF.  After she completed her paper, she gave me a bag of stuff including info about optional testings such as NT scan.  I signed up this test for next week.  Then, a lab technitian took 3 bloodwork.  Finally, I met my OB.  He is very chatty and funny!  I immediately felt comfortable with him although he had to conduct a PAP on me today :P  He also did monitor baby's HB.  He found it!!!  I don't know the rate, but it was beating fast!!  I felt so relieved and he told me that after ultrasound confirms your baby’s heartbeat at eight weeks, the risk of miscarriage is only about 3%.  I just looked up about a risk of miscarriage and here it is:   The risk falls even lower (1%) after a normal ultrasound at 16 weeks. I know that the safe zone is after 4 months in Japan as compared to 3 months in the States.

I saw a FB post today from my DH's friend.  The excited couple posted a U/S picture of their 2nd expected baby and her due date is 3/17 (Mine is 3/23, so we are so close!).  I will NOT make a FB announcement until at least 4 months or when we find out about a gender.  Whenever people announce their pregnancies on the FB in the early stage of their pregnancy, I always think they are either brave, they have never encountered a fertility issue, or they might not know the risk of miscaridge in the early stage.  I know 2 girls who did the same thing and ended up losing a baby....

How am I doing lately?
I think my m/s is better.  My boobs are not as sore as before.  My bloat is the same as before.  Appetite for food.....GAH!  This is the hard one.  I am eating something often, but food doesn't make me happy anymore.  I haven't cooked proper meals for weeks.  I cannot seem to make myself buy meat and cook.  My go-to-cookings are:  Tomate sauce pasta & Veg Lo Mein.  Poor husband.....It's not like the smell makes me throw up or anything like that, but I just lost my passion to cook.  My lunch routine (I have been slacking lately) is to go to a gym, walk on a treadmill, and watch Paula Deen & Barefoot Contessa, but even that doesn't make me happy :(

I started feeling better about my pregnancy, so I did some shopping!  I bought 3 books:  Belly Laugh & the Conflict & Dude, you are gonna be dad for hubby.  I also gave in to get a Snoogle!  It just came, so I gotta try the big ass pillow tonight. 

Comfy Snoogle