CD 46: Middle of 2WW

Ok, it's been only 6 days post ET.  2WW after IVF is hands down my hardest milestone.  I heard it is pretty hard, but I didn't know how hard it was until I am actually going through.  I still have 6 days until my Beta and I am struggling a lot in the past few days. 

Little things irritate me.  My DH said "Why you are so hateful lately?"  I am constantly thinking about maybe this is a bust and embies didn't survive in my body.  My sore boobs are almost gone.  I am not bloated.  I don't have cramps.  I know everyone is different, but many ppl have some sort of early pregnancy signs.  I have none.  I really don't feel that implantation happend. 

 I am crying so often that maybe not matter how many IVF we tried, I will never ever get pregnant.  I seem healthy and lead a healthy life, but there is something wrong with me and I could be unexplained.  I heard about some women having a body rejects embryos because the body thinks they are bacteria or something. Do I maybe have that?          

I have been waking up early because I check my boobs to see if they are still sore or not.  I get disappointed as the soreness disappears.  I had a nightmare this morning.  It again woke me up early.  I have never been this up and down in my life, so I hate this. 

I went to a mall during lunch hour yesterday.  I saw a pregnant lady shopping with her daughter, and her new infant.  The first though it came to my mind was "OMG, how many do you need? (rolled eyes)"  I am freaking MEAN.  What is wrong with me.  I totally suck as a person right now.

I need a peace in my mind.  There are too much negative & dark energy in me right now.  I bought a yoga package, but I know regular yoga isn't good for pregnant lady and I don't want to hurt embies if they are still there.  The studio offers pre-natal yoga, but I am not pregnant, so I cannot go.  I just bought and downloaded Circle+Bloom - IVF/IUI Mind+Body program.  I wish I had known this before I started my fertility treatment.  There are chapters for 2WW after IVF, so I am thinking to find a park and listen in my car during lunch hour today.