I am feeling a lot better today. Yesterday morning, my mom called me from Japan to check on me since I hadn't called her since ET. I was whining about my whole negative things and my mom was like "If you are thinking everything so negative, embies will feel it from you. Just rub your tummy and tell them to grow" That worked. Then, I listed to the IVF meditation. That made me calm. My DH has been texting me every day how I am doing today. He never did this until I had a big meltdown on Sunday. He is a my true positive sunshine, but I could tell I was causing him more stress in addition to his work stress. So, I told myself that I have to get out of this funk right now. I gave him a surprise 80's rock CD and made a nice dinner instead of being negative and crying. I felt better.
I tried to remember how I coped difficulties and failures previously. I think I worked really hard for my graduate school regardless of working full-time. When I didn't get into a company I wanted to work for, I told myself "It wasn't meant for me. There is something better waiting out there" I am a big believer of everything happens for a reason. IF is tough but I told myself that there is a reason why we are going through this in our life. There is something fantastic (tangible or intangible) waiting for us in the end. Sadly, my mind hasn't be able to think this way lately.
I am blessed to have amazing husband, animals, family & friends. I am also getting tons of supports from IF board on the bump. I cannot imagine what I would do without knowing the support community. With all the support I have, I should be able to get through this.
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